Friday, August 31, 2007

Excuse Me?

**Warning--this is a big ol' rant.

I just got off the phone with a woman who doesn't know me--she'd like me if she did right? That's what Tobey said once after she cut a woman off in traffic, I loved it. 'Eh, they'd like me if they knew me.' The conversation went a little like this: 'You and your husband are adults. You have a family. Someone needs to be working to support yourselves.' I told her our situation and she said 'You do know you have to pay student loans back at some point, right?' Yes. Thank you. I am aware and planning on it. To which she said 'You have a kid. How can you expect not to work? You need to be doing at least 30 hours a week.' To which I said, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

I tried to be polite and get through the business I needed to talk to her about in the first place. Albeit difficult as she repeated the 'Someone needs to work' phrase another six or seven times with an accompanying snicker.

She didn't make me feel bad. I made the choice to start our family, I made the choice to be home with her. I am completely satisfied and not a bit ashamed of that decision. So here's to you women who stay at home with your babies when the world can make you feel so inadequate or lazy because of that decision. Understandably, every family situation is different. I can respect women who choose otherwise--I don't know how they do all that they do. What incredible energy. I can also feel sadness that they don't get to be with their amazing children day to day. And some lucky women figure out how to do part-time at home during naps or have family to help. And I know I'm blessed that I don't have to work. But I wish some people could understand that we don't stay at home because we are uneducated, unmotivated, or unemployable. Give me a break. Thank you to all you intelligent, witty, interesting, creative, talented, exciting SAHM's who make me proud to do what I do.

When J got home and I was still annoyed he reminded me of something a guy in our ward said this week: 'A fool takes offense when none was intended. An even greater fool takes offense when it was intended.' Something like that. So I'm done thinking about it and taking offense to it. And thank you 'woman who will not be named' for reminding me to take the opportunity to say 'You Rock' to awesome women who inspire me.
Had a fun day with my baby today...

12 comments:

Jill said...

I am sorry you had to deal with nameless jerk lady :( I admire that you didn't let her get to you, I admit that would make me feel bad. The closest expierence I have had to that is having a receptionist type that I was "unemployed" when I told her I was a stay at home mom.. some people!
I am glad you had fun with your lil one, your an awesome mom!

Pattie said...

That is just rude of her to do that to you not to mention very unprofessional..and its a catch 22..meaning that society expects us (women) to be highly educated with great careers and a great family but in reality it just doesnt work that way decent job are hard to come by especially since they dont allow mothers to be mothers..Theres my soap box for you..by the way i could go on and on.. but i will stop there..

Erin Walk. said...

Wow, I can't believe someone would push their views on other people like that. Obviously she thought you ought to be away from home bringing in money, but to actually make fun of you/be disdainful of your decision is amazing. I guess she can't put two and two together - that your husband is going to be a doctor, and that loans for education, when that education will yield a high-paying job, are necessary and short-term. For me, I don't want to drop off my child for someone else to teach and enjoy and bond with, while I make a few bucks that won't put a drop in the bucket of debt anyway! Jed will pay the loans when he gets a job, eventually... :)

Ashley said...

Can you call this woman back and explain that to her? I'm never good at coming up with stuff on the spot. Probably good-keeps me out of trouble.

Natalie said...

My dad once said, "when I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you!" Give me this lady's number--ha ha
(I was a SUPER sassy teenage gal when he said that)

Tara said...

I love those photos. Mommyhood is the best choice ever, and Abbey is so lucky! You're an awesome mom Ash!

jayne said...

I had this whole shpeel written up and just deleted it all.......I don't want to go to bed tonight replaying what I typed over and over in my head. I have strong feelings about what you SHOULD have said, and probably what you WANTED to say, but I'll just keep them to myself. I'm sure everyone reading this has the same thoughts. Your a great mom Ash. Way to go on staying home, being in the hole hundreds of thousands of dollars, and loving every minute of it knowing one day it will all be okay!!! Yeah!!! We really do have pretty good lives don't we?

emily said...

honestly. 30 hours?? For what? To BARELY pay the daycare you'd need in order to WORK 30 hours? The shortsightedness of this particular woman is galling.

So. Good for you for letting it slide off your back. You ARE doing the right thing for you and your family.

And yes, lets go shopping sometime.

DeGooyer Family said...

Good for you. I probably would have had a lot more to say back to her.

hayley said...

Sweet post and great quote.

Melody said...

Ashley, I just love you.
Paul and I just had a long finance meeting the other day where we really analyzed how long we will be in debt and what the total will be in the end etc. It was expected and appalling at the same time. We always get just a little overwhelmed looking at the numbers, so to to calm our fears we prayed to ask the Lord to reassure us that we are doing the right thing. We both got a great sense of reassurance and confidence in the decisions that we have made. 5 minutes after we ended our prayer we got a phone call from a distant acquaintance from a long time ago offering us a way to make some extra money in a way that won't take me away from spending time with Eirik. What a miracle. I know we're doing the right thing and that God will take care of all of our needs.

You look amazing in these photos and I miss you two so much!

Levon, Stefanie & Pohainani Basso (baby # 2 coming in Feb. 2008!) said...

Amen to that, Ashley! Good on ya!